at dinner on a patio tonight, a june bug flew right down my top. i screamed bloody murder and jumped up and sat down and flashed the patio flailing and clawing at my top trying to get the ugly fucker out. everyone stared at me like i was amy winehouse.


boyfriend is on a plane on his way home as we speak! i will collect his fine ass from the airport at midnight.

my cat would not stand for this.


but i wish he would.

and that i thought of it first.

Cat-a-logue O' Faces

today is a very special day.

my puppy turns 10 years old today!





omg *bites fist* he's geriatric! *WAILS*

they were playing tel aviv the night we left for eilat. that woulda been cool, seeing them in tel aviv.

AFHJKFSAKJGFAJFAFUCKINGBABYOTTERFFJAKAFANJ

dear moses:

thank you so much for being god's go-to guy, and doing all that stuff with the let my people go and the plagues and the parting of the red sea and leading our people into israel, etc etc. although the thing with the red sea WAS a bit over the top, i mean... there IS a border you can simply walk across, although i suppose maybe you all didn't have your passports in order, so i understand.

tonight we feast in your honour, and our LDL numbers shall swell with our gratitude.


happy passover to everyone celebrating!


and now, the ten plagues of passover as told by peeps:

and i'm not cutting this, fuck you.. you're getting your jewish education this morning.

1) DAM/BLOOD



2) TZFARDAYA/FROGS



3) KINIM/LICE



4) AROV/FLIES



5) DEVER/LIVESTOCK DISEASE



6) SCHEEN/BOILS



7) BARAD/FREAKIN FIRE HAIL!!


8) ARBEH/LOLCUSTS



9) CHOSHECH/DARKNESS (EEP!)



10) MAKAT BECHOROT/DEATH OF THE FIRST BORN SON

my dog is so internet famous, you don't even know.

http://faildogs.com/post/32064984


that's twice in two days!

JUNK E-MAIL FOLDER OF THE BEEEEEEEEAST!

i know this is old and everything, but come on...





still ridiculous!

OH HAI THUNDERSNOW!

i think those 3D ultrasound pictures are super creepy.

THERE I SAID IT.

Fuck Planet Earth on FunnyOrDie.com

lyrics nsfw. imagery ok.

see it's like this:

i've never seen the godfather movies.
dan's never seen the (original) starwars movies.


which is a more inexcusable offense?


Poll #1124944
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

which is more inexcusable? plz pick one, kthnx

lookit my guys, guy.




all three of 'em.. effing adorable.

this one is still my favourite:

As if to sandpaper her burn, an oddly beautiful woman in a turban and robe had stopped her in the lobby to inform her (above the noise of workmen busily replacing window glass) that on the planet Argon redheads were considered evil and that if she had any plans for space travel, she'd better change her ways. "Red hair is caused by sugar and lust," the woman, who was blonde, confided "Highly evolved beings do not indulge in sugar and lust."

~still life with woodpecker, tom robbins.

GUYS!!!

AMERICAN

FUCKING

GLADIATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!